Looking Out For Our Youth in the Darkest of Days

Dear Friends:

It's hard to believe that November is almost over. If we look carefully, in the autumn foliage we can see our own mortality: a beauty with a sadness never far away. During our All Souls' Day services, many of us were a bit melancholy, especially as we remembered those we loved who have passed on. Those memories, coupled with the falling of the leaves, the cooling of the air, and the darker days, creates a sort of sadness which is not entirely unwelcome; a sort of somber, slowing-down of the spirit, leaving us much needed time for reflection. In November, each morning, I usually take time to remember and pray for all those we have buried in the past year. Death is never easy nor welcome, but in the days of COVID and all of its restrictions, the depth of loss, in so many cases, is like no other.

At every funeral or memorial service, we try with great tenderness to support families and reinforce the message of hope in the Lord's resurrection. Every gathering that celebrates life is also a reminder to all of us, that we too, one day will join them. This year I am particularly praying for our young people because new studies indicate that many of them are really struggling with anxiety and depression from COVID and the "new normal" that we all face - even to the point of suicide. No community is immune from this reality. Tragically, it has even touched us here in Summit. Psychology Today reported in its September edition that there isn't, but needs to be, an urgency to confronting teen suicide. "The race to find a cure to the COVID-19 pandemic certainly is front and center, but that same sense of urgency does not seem to be evident for the unsettling rise in teen suicide."

The article also notes that new CDC data reveals that almost one in five teens across the nation have seriously considered attempting suicide. Picture a typical high school classroom of 25 students. About five of those students could be thinking about suicide. These numbers are screaming for our attention and response!

Quoting Dr Richard Friedman's New York Times piece, “Why Are Young Americans Killing Themselves?" the article offers some assistance by suggesting the following actions:

• Prevent. Create a physically and emotionally safe environment for your teens so that thoughts and behaviors about suicide are less likely to happen in the first place. When teens and those around them have the necessary skills to regulate their emotions, and have opportunities to practice these skills and connect with others through positive relationships, we create a safer environment. Through suicide prevention efforts, we can reduce risk and promote resilience and coping.

• Recognize. Be aware of the warning signs of youth suicide. Learning the signs and taking part in mental health awareness campaigns is important, as it ensures that teens have open channels for talking about their emotions. Actions such as these will help us recognize when something is off, while reducing any stigma around seeking help for mental health issues. Every young person needs someone to confide in about their thoughts and feelings.

• Respond. Learn to be comfortable supporting those who appear emotionally distressed. #BeThe1To offers five action steps for communicating with someone who may be considering suicide: (1) ask in a non-judgmental and supportive way; (2) be there so they feel connected; (3) keep them safe; (4) help them connect to supports; and (5) follow up to see how they are doing. The Respond step is also about putting additional strategies in place, such as increased regular mental health check-ins, during times of increased stress and reduced coping.

One final thought - the LGBTQ+ teen. In recent years we’ve seen a tragic number of gay teens, ending their own lives after enduring anti-gay bullying. It is reported that suicide is the third leading cause of death among adolescents, and gay teens are four times more likely than straight teens to attempt suicide. I know that many parents find it difficult for many reasons to discuss sexuality with their teenagers, but discussion is crucial if we want our children to develop healthy self-esteem, embrace their own differences, and understand what is different in others.

This month and beyond, I'm praying that you and all of our teens will always know of God's love for them. I'm praying more that our Church will always be a place where all God's people feel safe and loved, even as we endure our own personal struggles and challenges.

Finally, I pray that this community and all of us who bear the name Catholic Christian will truly be messengers of Christ's Good News, because clearly lives are depending on it!

Blessings! RSM

Building a Mentoring Culture

Friends:

Over the last six weeks we have been thinking through how to revitalize our parish.  At the time of this writing I’m happy that we have reopened, albeit with some spacing and other considerable restrictions. It’s nice to have you all back - physically and virtually.

Who would ever have imagined how the world would change over the last four months?  While there have been “predictions of pandemics” and perhaps even some scientific warnings over the years, I’m guessing that many of us could never have believed that the whole world would literally be put on hold - and we are not out of the woods yet!

These days have given us a chance to think and pray about what really matters in our lives.  For me, for sure, being isolated from my elderly parents and worrying about their safety and wellbeing has made me much more attuned to checking in on them with more regularity. Others have shared similar stories with me about their families too.

And although I was able to celebrate Mass regularly, clearly without any of you present, it's just not the same.  It's not what it's supposed to be either. Churches are about people.  Parishes are about clusters of folks celebrating life together.  St Teresa of Avila is a family of faith-seeking followers of Christ, all on the journey to get to know him better as we prepare one day to meet him face to face.  And despite the spiritual work that we each have to do as individuals, worshipping together, in church, is incredibly important for our faith.  The restrictions keeping us apart in these weeks have also made me keenly aware of how important we are to one another intergenerationally.

This brings us to the final segment of our series - Building a Mentoring Culture.  In the general sense, a mentor is an experienced and trusted adviser. In the spiritual sense, all adults are called to be mentors, or spiritual guides to those who follow after us.  In many generations this has been presumed ... grandparents raised parents, who in turn raised their children in the Catholic faith.  But, that’s not the case today.  More and more studies show that the younger generations are turning, and in some cases even running away from the regular practice of faith and from religion altogether.  Believe it or not, this is not a new phenomenon.

The Bible’s Book of Judges, written about 550 BC, contains stories that follow a consistent pattern: the people are unfaithful to God, and he delivers them into the hands of his enemies; the people repent and ask for mercy and God sends them a leader to welcome them back.  The following passage contains the sentiments clearly:

“After a while the people of Joshua’s generation died, and the next generation did not know the Lord or any of the things he had done for Israel.  The Lord had brought their ancestors out of Egypt, and they had worshipped him.  But now the Israelites stopped worshipping the Lord and worshipped the idols of Baal and Astarte, as well as the idols of other gods from nearby nations.  The Lord was so angry.”  Judges 2:10-13

Lee Kricher, in his book, For a New Generation: A Practical Guide for Revitalizing Your Church, writes, “We cannot control what will happen to the next generation when we are gone, but we can do everything possible to pave the way for them.”  Kricher’s challenge begs two questions, “How do we model paving the way?” and “What does the next generation look like today?”  Let's consider them in reverse order.

At the Pew Research Center, studies tracking America’s religious landscape found that although religious beliefs and practice have been declining at a rapid pace for people of all ages, the drop-off has been most pronounced among people ages 23 to 38. In 2019, roughly two-thirds attend worship services “a few times a year” or less, and 4 in 10 say they seldom or never go. A decade ago, it was more than half and only 3 in 10, respectively.

Washington Post columnist Christine Emba, in an article entitled Why millennials are skipping church and not going back, writes that religious and other civic organizations will atrophy — and not just from lack of funds. Faith and practice can’t persevere through our generation without attendance, and neither can the hope they tend to bring. And while that may not seem like a problem now, it will soon. 

Many millennials have given in to convenient, low-commitment substitutes for faith and fellowship such as astrology, the easy “spiritualism” of yoga and self-care, posting away on Twitter and playing more games. [Yes, games!] She adds, 

"Here’s what really worries me: Few of these activities are as geared toward building deep relationships and communal support as the religious traditions the millennials are leaving behind. Actively participating in a congregation means embedding oneself in a community. This involves you in the lives of others and the other way around — their joys and sadnesses, connections and expectations. By leaving religion, we’re shrugging off the ties that bind, not just loosening them temporarily."

As to the question, how do we model paving the way for the next generation, the answer seems to be simple in theory:  in community and in family units.  For faith to survive, it must be practiced together, in families.  Our tradition calls this dynamic the domestic Church.  On worship days, Sundays and sacramental days, the domestic Church joins with others to worship in their spiritual home, the parish Church, and in a mysterious way joins with the Church universal.  

This may not really be that hard to imagine, because as we have been closed down for many weeks, so many gathered with their families, to pray, to read the Scriptures, to zoom in and participate in worship via livestream in the safety of their own homes.  The practical challenge is getting people together who want to participate.

This phenomenon does beg the question then as to how do these domestic Churches support the parish Church - apostolically to minister to those in need?; educationally to grow in knowledge?; socially to celebrate life's accomplishments?; and even financially to pay the bills?

Only time will tell how it will all shake out and what St Teresa of Avila Parish and our Catholic Church will look like tomorrow.  One thing is abundantly clear though - the time to plan is now - today.  

Sadly, I have no doubt that going forward many parish Churches will close, for a whole host of reasons.  Will ours? The answer depends on us!

Blessings!

RSM

Elevating Our Standards

Dear Friends: Happy Summer!  We are now officially in the season where most people have become accustomed to relaxation and finding ways to refresh their body, mind and soul. Given what we’ve all just been through, despite our need for rest, I’m betting that this year Summer will be different for many of us.   If you’re like me, while observing the lockdown and stay at home orders, many of us have worked harder than ever.  I know that parents have been juggling full time jobs on top of learning a new career - teaching their children!  Our seniors have reported that their work of checking on and caring for one another has been quite busy and has left them exhausted.  And many parish staffs, ours included, have taken the crash course in making ministry available in new and unique ways.  The bottom line is ... we all need a break! In these days, while we all seek that necessary rest and refreshment, I ask you to take some time to think about how we can become a better parish - how we can elevate our standards - how we can go from good to great.  Surely, this will require some change.  In his book of the same name, Good to Great, Jim Collins writes: “Companies [and Churches] that make the change from good to great have no name for their transformation—and absolutely no program. They neither rant nor rave about a crisis—and they don't manufacture one where none exists. They don't “motivate” people—their people are self-motivated.” Here at St Teresa of Avila, we are not embarking on a new program, and thus have no name for our transformation.  We also have no new program.  We are aware of the crisis that we’re still navigating through and we know that to be successful and to survive for future generations, we need to make some changes today.   Life in 2020 is different and has left an indelible mark on human history. Things will never be the same - and that includes things in our parishes too!  It’s not possible to live one day more on the fumes of the past, and we cannot simply return to the pre-COVID days.  Instead, we need to move forward in faith with a new mindset, focusing on the essentials, eliminating the distractions and fully engaging in our important work.  And we all must be motivated to engage!  Every book I read on how to be a better parish, how to be a stronger Church and how to become a more faithful believer all have a part that underlines how fear seems to get in the way of success.  It’s this fear that holds leaders back from making the hard decisions, allowing mediocrity to prevail.  The Scriptures tell us more than 365 times - be not afraid. That’s more than once a day! In his writings, James Mallon often reminds pastors that in making change, we need to be attentive to culture.  He quickly adds that “culture eats strategy for breakfast.”  While it is very important for us to remember and respect the beautiful traditions and St Teresa of Avila culture, we cannot fail to see the importance of having a clear strategy for our future.  If we are ever going to be successful in realizing our vision - to make disciples of Jesus - then we will need a plan and a strategy. Our strategy will focus on four essentials: 1.  Proper celebration of the sacraments - with the Eucharist being pre-eminent 2.  Generous service especially to benefit the poor and most vulnerable 3.  Reigniting growth in understanding and teaching our Catholic faith 4.  Celebrating the dignity and worth of all human life People have asked me over the years, and even in my time here with you whether I’m happy being a priest.  My answer is, “I love being the Pastor of St Teresa of Avila because it’s a great parish with so much potential!”  Perhaps it’s the frustration of unlocking that potential that is my greatest challenge.  Some days my happiness is dimmed a bit because I know that it’s the failure of truly living to the level of our potential that will prevent us from becoming great instead of just settling for what is good.  (We would never do that in other realms of our lives. It seems to me that the Church today and many parishes too have settled for mediocrity.  Some priests have become lazy, unfocused, even disobedient.  In those parishes, Masses have become “routine” and uninspiring, service is only at the most expected times like holidays, religious education is rote and neither creative nor engaging, and all human life is not respected as reflecting God’s own image.  As priests, we have to own our shortcomings before change can happen in our parishes. Unfortunately, some people have also prevented the Church from truly becoming great.  And while there are many different reasons, one older priest describes the most concerning group as “cultural Catholics”.   A cultural Catholic is a person who identifies with  Catholic traditions but does not actively practice the religion.  Some cultural Catholics may still attend church at special occasions, such as Christmas, Easter,  infant baptism, Confirmation, weddings and funerals, but that’s it!  We all know cultural Catholics and surely we love them, but if we are to succeed, we all need to do better! Parishes need engaged members who are highly passionate, enthusiastic and excited to be a member AND they also need priests and ministers who understand that we are doing God’s work, and we have to give it our best.   Next week, we will close our series with looking at how we build a mentoring culture, that is, how we pass on the faith and our Church to the next generation.  Surely, one of the best ways is by our good example.  I hope you will join me in that challenge today so that we will have a Church to pass on tomorrow.    Blessings! RSM